Adventurous Spirit Lives on in one Couple’s Daughter

Wikimedia Commons | Public Domain |  Creds: Jane Leineberg

Annamari Jaaksi, a third-year at Cal Poly, has moved back and forth from Finland to America twice in her life. She has her parents to thank for that. Their adventurous and open lifestyles have shaped who she has become today.

There are currently 47 countries represented at Cal Poly. From countries like El Salvador to Taiwan to the United Kingdom, Cal Poly has had a constant flow of international students.

“The number of international students has been increasing over the past few years”  Susan Tripp, an international student consultant at Cal Poly, states this when asked about the rates of international students at this university.

When talking to the bright-faced Annamari Jaaksi, it became evident immediately that she was just about as free as she depicted her parents to be. She spent time discussing the awesome oppurtunities she and her family have had simply because her parents were more than willing to pack up and move somewhere new.

She discussed how she is unsure of where she will live after graduating. Both places have a special place in her heart and because she has been accustomed to traveling, she has a very open mind about it all. I couldn’t help but wonder if parents’ personalities and lifestyles truly do have a strong influence on who their children grow up to be.

How Much of Parents’ Personalities do Kids Really Inherit?

To find the answer to this burning question of mine, I looked to the very prestigious child psychologist, Oliver James. Oliver James has written several books on how an individual’s family life as a child affects who they become, both positively and negatively. He has worked as a psychologist, writer, and journalist throughout his lifetime.

In an interview with Oliver James run by RSA, James discusses how the Human Genome Project has not found anything that explains inherited psychological traits. He does not believe that our personalities have anything to do with our genes that come from our parents. He has gathered information from a variety of sources and has come to the conclusion that it is our upbringing that shapes who we are.

James backs up his viewpoint by supplying the audience with all of the evidence he can about how genes are not the cause of who children become to be. He discusses the studies done where the explanation of the result should be genes, but the scientists could not find the proof.

“I think my biggest implication I would put to you of what I have said is that what is passed down the generations is intergenerational patterns of nurture. We suffer from offspring Stockholm Syndrome…And that is ultimately my argument for how we become like our parents is through identification, modeling.”

Throughout this interview, James comes to the constant conclusion that we inherit personality traits from our parents as we grow up, whether we like it or not. It all has to do with our upbringing by our parents when we are still young children.

His validation of his viewpoint is derived from the lack of explanation he gets from all the studies being done on children at the moment. If you are interested in reading more about this, James wrote a book as well, titled “They F*** You Up”, which is all about how one’s bringing explains who an individual grows up to be.

A Life Destined for Spontenaity

Using Oliver James’ evidence, Annamari Jaaksi’s open mind to her future comes directly from her parents. She did not just spontaneously become this way; it is her parents who lead her to live adventurously. She is thankful for the environment her parents brought her up in and looks forward to the uncertainty in the future with a smile on her face.

So, men, keep this in mind when you all start to have children. Remember that how you raise your child and what you expose them to have a heavy influence on who they grow up to be! They will become little mini-you’s whether you want them to or not! Good luck out there.

Yours Truly,

Jody

The Rise in Hookups and the Drop in Dating Explained

Hookup culture and the heightened normal-ness of having a “thing” with someone has taken over college campuses. Young adults veer from the stresses of dating and instead dive into what is known as hookup culture, “no strings attached”, friends with benefits type of lifestyle.

What Even is a Hookup?

If you are uninformed, I figured I should clarify just exactly what a hookup is. The perfect place to find the modern definition of is none other than our friend Urban Dictionary:

verb: to engage in any type of sexual activity.
noun: purposely ambiguous, equivocal word to describe almost any sexual action. usually used to exaggerate or minimize what exactly happened. a hook-up can range from a make-out session to full out sex.

Hookup Culture on College Campuses

As a freshman in college, I can personally vouch for how common it is for someone to ask someone else if they want to just hook up. All around me, I have seen people I know go through these “things” with people. I just kind of sit back and ask, Is it like this at other colleges? Why? Why not dating? Where on earth did traditional dating go?

To answer this burning question of mine, I referenced a few recent studies done on college campuses across the country. James Madison University  did an observational study of a sample of about 1000 students on their view of sex and hookup culture with their peers.

The study received data from A-Z about this topic of sex in college. James Madison University concluded that:

“79.6% agreed or strongly agreed that hooking up is a normal activity at JMU.”

80%?! I do not know about you but I found that pretty surprising. Of that 80%, 52.1% of them stated that they had had sex with 1-2 partners within the past three months as well. As the creators of the studies analyzed this information, they came to the conclusion that there is a huge lack of commitment on college campuses

Monogamy? More like NO-nogamy.

The study had confirmed my experiences that I have come across within my first two quarters of college. This type of living in the moment and just have fun mindset has influenced young adults sexual choices.

Brittany Duncan did immense research on this topic, and concluded that hookup culture and opposition to dating is derived from the phrase, “it’s just college”. This phrase has created this mindset that college is designated to have fun and not waste the time on something serious with someone.  There was a consensus about a smaller number of people actually wanting to get into a serious relationship in college, specifically toward the beginning.

Furthermore, she expands on the students’ viewpoint of hookup culture being the epitome of casual intimacy, which equals dating with seriousness. And if college students are looking for fun and not serious, then say bye bye to the dating realm!

A Change in the Tide?

In order for this stigma to change on college campuses, Duncan says that there needs to be a revival of the college mindset. Because both men and women are involved with participating in hookup culture, it will not end until one of the sexes stops it, or they both do altogether.

It is pretty obvious that hookup culture is the definition of objectifying the sexes. Later, Duncan discusses how intimacy becomes something that is shared with numerous people, sometimes without even knowing the person’s last name. The person becomes an object that’s primary purpose is for pleasure.

However, students as well as people in general may not think that it should stop. It is up to you to make that choice for yourself of whether or not you would rather hook up with someone for the pleasure and no relationship, or develop a deeper relationship with someone and actually date them.

So the choice is yours! Are you gonna be a part of the norm or are you gonna go for a meaningful relationship through dating? Whichever you choose, be wise and good luck out there men!

Here is my interview with a few first years about hookup culture.

Yours truly,

Jody

Girls Like Chivalry? What’s Chivalry?

I am not sure if you all have heard, but Ed Sheeran just raised the stakes when it comes to chivalry. Ed Sheeran was pictured walking out of an after party shoe-less and holding his girlfriend’s hand, as well as her heels, while she walked out of the party with his shoes on. (How can you not just go all heart-eyes for Ed Sheeran after hearing that?!)

I will be honest with you, I am a sucker for a polite and well-mannered man. If a guy pulls my chair out for me and pushes me in, or offers me his seat when I am standing, or tells me to wait in the car while he gets out and runs to the passenger side to open my door, I am in love already.

We all Know the Word, but What is it?

First though, let’s take a look at what the actual definition of chivalry is according to Dictionary.com :“The sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms.”

Turns out, chivalry began in the medieval times and embodied a code which all knights were called to follow. Clearly, it is not this way anymore, unless all men are knights. If we flesh this out, this definition is practically saying that a chivalrous man is one who is humble, courageous and respectful. He is one who is generous and courteous instinctively.

Modern Chivalry

Chivalry has always been valued within our society, but it has quite drastically evolved. Chivalry has shifted and become less about knighthood and more about courteous and selfless deeds

Looking at men today, I personally came to the conclusion that guys have certainly lost the chivalrous edge as a whole.”Most respondents (all but 15) said that they would like men to act more chivalrous,” according to a study done by Chivalry Now.

If 90% of women AND men agree on this, then why not start with yourself?

Top 4 Chivalrous Acts

On my quest to find out which chivalrous acts really make most girls smile, I read through countless polls and articles to make sure that I had the most well-rounded list. Men, listen up if you are looking to be more chivalrous:

1. Opening and holding the door open for a woman. This one is a classic and nearly appeared on every list.
2. He thinks of the woman first when the weather is unfavorable. Yes men, I am sorry but if you see a girl do a little shimmy because it’s cold, the chivalrous thing to do is off her your coat. And if it’s raining, be prepared to get a little wet because that umbrella should cover all of her before it covers you.
3. Walking Etiquette. When you two are strolling downtown or anywhere, walk on the street side of the sidewalk. Although subtle, it is a sign of protection. Also, walk her to her door after a date to make sure she gets in safely. And a third thing, walk up to her door when you arrive at her place to pick her up for the date. This shows more respect and excitement compared to shooting her a text that says, “I’m here”.
4. Offer your seat to someone else, man or woman. In this case, it is just purely putting someone else’s needs before yours.

So there you have it! Ed Sheeran’s bold act of chivalry trended on Twitter and went viral instantly. I would not doubt that girls looked at him and said, “Ugh. Why can’t men be more like him??” Well, step up your game and revive chivalry!

Yours truly,

Jody

Best Ways to Maintain a Long-Lasting Relationship

Dear men,

In a world where everything is quick paced and our attention spans seem to be shorter than ever, love does not have the same value that it once did. It is regarded as something that can be fallen in and out of multiple times in one’s life.

The Commonness of Divorce

According to Divorce.com, divorce rates have heightened over the past few years.  American Psychological Association also states that more than 90% of people in western cultures marry by age 50. They also state:

 40%-50% of couples’ marriages end in divorce. If you think about it, for something that is not supposed to be causal, marriage failure rates are quite high.

The Washington Post investigated this topic as well. They included a few detailed info-graphics to help visualize the trends of divorce over the years.

How to Preserve a Relationship

So, besides the obvious precautions to take, such as avoiding elopement chapels in Las Vegas when you are already a few drinks in, what else can a man do to prevent divorce and promote a long-lasting marriage?

To help answer this question, I sat down with two people who are experts on this topic through experience. Ron and Judie Allington have been married for almost 49 years. When she was 19 and he was 20, they decided to get married and soon after have two kids of their own.

They have done mass amounts of traveling together and are still absolutely in love to this day. Throughout the years, they have acquired a vast amount of knowledge about the do’s and don’t’s of relationships.

Who better to receive advice from about long-lasting relationships than a couple who has been together for nearly half a century?

These two love birds specifically mentioned the importance of:

1. “Me” time
2. Patience
3. Friendship
4. Understanding each other
5. Cooling off after an argument
6. Listening

I hope that these bits of advice will help you maintain a long-lasting relationship! Good luck!

Yours Truly,

Jody Maddigan

 

Cupid’s on His Way

 

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Dear men,

The one day you innately fear is right around the corner. Yes, I am referring the one and only: Valentine’s Day. February 14^th is just a few days away and I am here to help guide you through, in my opinion, one of the strangest holidays of the year.

Marketing Behind the Madness

According to Statistic Brain, the average annual Valentine’s Day spending is around 13 billion dollars (and no, the “b” is not supposed to be an “m”). Mind you, this is a holiday that is primarily based on men buying things for women.

Shades of red and pink along with heart cutouts decorate stores soon after Christmas ends. Many stores a man visits is plastered with reminders of his deed to buy a woman something.

In the world of gift buying, a man has quite a few classic options at his disposal. Statistic Brain concluded that the top three gifts most given on Valentine’s Day are cards, candy, and dining out. Two of these three are items that are marketed specially for this holiday across the nation.

For example, See’s Candy provides a plethora of chocolate arrangements only produced for Valentine’s Day. ProFlowers advertises limited time deals as well to lure men in.

But What Do Women Really Want?

I have met plenty of women who dislike Valentine’s Day, and others who look forward to it every year. However, a study has shown that Valentine’s Day gifts or acts of love truly do have a positive affect on the overall relationship. With a few exceptions, Science Direct concluded:

The current study found that Valentine’s Day increased perceptions of relationship satisfaction and investment.

So, even if she claims to not want anything, odds are that buying her a little something special would reap positive effects.

Leah Katona is a communications professor at Cal Poly who has written a book titled Dating 101. In her book, she discusses her dating tips involving the dating do’s and don’ts and how to read your date’s signals they verbally and non- verbally send.

When asked what women really want for Valentine’s Day, she explains:

I think the best bit of advice for men trying to buy something for women is ask them what they want. I mean just flat out ask them. It’s so much easier and you hit the mark every time.

Melting under the Pressure?

Guess what? There is no law stating that you have to participate in this holiday. Not everyone has that special someone or wants to deal with the complications that Valentine’s Day brings. If this describes you, then treating yourself instead is the perfect way to go! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Yours Truly,

Jody

Do You See What I See?

Dear men,

I am sure most of you have had an encounter with sending the wrong signals to a girl. The phrase “women see things differently than men” has been around for decades. I regret to inform you that recent studies have proved this to be true, making the interrelations between men and women all the more complicated.

Examples of this are clear when a woman notices a certain look on a stranger’s face, while the man did not even catch the person’s hair color. Eyes are a very powerful part of the human body. They are known as the “window to the soul”.Eyes are typically the center of our focus while interacting with others.

Although men and women’s eyes look the same, the way they take in information is easily distinguishable.

The Proof

In order to test this myth, Queen Mary University conducted a study . It was designed to observe just how differently men and women handle visuals presented to them.

In the study, about 500 people were used to measure each gender’s level of comfort with eye contact. The participants were placed in front of a screen with a face on it while having a tracking device to plot where their eyes wandered.

After gathering all of the results, there was a significant trend seen in women staring at the left eye of the person, as well as the left side of the face as a whole. The men, on the other hand, did not explore the face as the women did, nor did they favor one side of the face.

There are numerous claims in popular culture that women and men look at things differently – this is the first demonstration, using eye tracking, to support this claim that they take in visual information in different ways -Dr Isabelle Mareschal

 

So What?

Using this information as well as other surveys done in this study, the researchers claim that these differences in absorbing visual information can affect the simplest of things like watching movies or even driving.

So, the next time that you and a woman are arguing because you did not see the car in front of you starting to merge, but she saw the blinker turn on, just remember that men and women truly do absorb visual information differently. It may not be your fault!

Yours truly,

Jody

Don’t Let Makeup lead to a Breakup!

Dear Men,

“You still need an hour to get ready? You are already dressed!” “Uh honey, I still need to do my makeup.”

Ah yes, boys, ever have this conversation? Well, look around because you are not alone. Makeup is becoming significantly more popular as girls seemed to have somewhat perfected the art of makeup as a whole.

The makeup industry is making more money than it has in the past decades by a large margin. Statista Dossier states that within just a year, there was a 3.4 BILLION increase in monthly views for beauty-related content on Youtube. That is a ton of tutorials on how to contour!!

Keeping this in mind, men who do not prefer this amount of makeup are walking on thin ice if they decide to comment on a girl’s makeup, ESPECIALLY if it could be received as negative.

“I do not know why girls wear so much makeup. Their natural face is so much prettier than when they have a bunch of crap caked on their face.” First year at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, Adam Foster, expressed his feelings towards makeup.

However men, you must keep this in mind: women wear makeup for a variety of reasons. For example:

1. To help with insecurities about their facial features or skin
2. To feel more appropriate at social gatherings/work
3. To fit in with the rest society
4. To increase confidence

There are plenty of other reasons as well! Each woman has their reason for either wearing full glam or none at all!

According to a study done at the University of Texas and Northern Illinois University about how women feel when wearing makeup, the majority of women not only feel more attractive when wearing makeup, but believe that wearing it helps them perform better socially.

“These results indicate that the publicly self-conscious woman tends to wear more makeup and believes that makeup enhances her appearance.”

So, it is very important to take this into account when seeing a woman wearing makeup because commenting on it could be a disaster waiting to happen.

Think about it from a woman’s perspective. You are a girl and you put on some makeup to “feel pretty” and boost your confidence. Then, the person you are interested in makes a comment along the lines of not looking good with that amount of makeup on. Does that feel good to hear? The answer is no.

Now, I am not saying that you have to love it when girls wear makeup; however, you should most definitely respect a woman’s choice to wear it or not.

If she is your girlfriend, then by all means, have a discussion with her about your preference of makeup so that she is aware. The key is to always be respectful of her decisions and be mindful of why she might be wearing it! Good luck out there!

Yours truly,

Jody